we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize