I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
