Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
