just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So. Much. Porn.
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