someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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