Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
