Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
