Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
