you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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