Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
