i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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