Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
