How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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