yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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