i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
