...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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