And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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