This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
