We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
