do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
