We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
