I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love accidental penises.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize