She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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