I can text with my tongue
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i now understand why vodka
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
