At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
