either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize