I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you made out with another girl for some wings
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
