So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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