the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
