my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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