Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
NoShamevember. You game?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize