I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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