Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
