a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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