not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
