google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
