Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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