You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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