i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Boobs are out for the taking
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
