if you like me you must not know who I am
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
