if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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