The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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