he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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