I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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