I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
