i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
