Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
