Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
