When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
