At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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