Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
im on a boat
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