Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
