The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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