i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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