I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
