The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I didn't notice because vodka
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
