I wish you could order shots online.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
