All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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