Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
