do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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