drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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