She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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