Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?