is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.