we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.