guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.