i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
