Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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