Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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