i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
