if i can run in heels then i can drive
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
